3am depression

Right now i feel to put it quite simply really sad.

And what makes me sad is I want someone to unconditionally listen to me. And not tell me its okay. And how everything will be perfect. Because it wont. Because the future cannot be predicted and the past cannot be changed. And all you have is this moment that your stuck in until that moment too passes on and then its gone and your left with nothing but an emptiness that you fill constantly try to fill and refill time and time and time again. And you seem to fail, because just when you think you've filled that empty space you realise its as empty as it was, and nothings changed.

Feelings and emotions are not relative entities. They cannot be compared. They are personal.

Pain is my Pain.

Sorrow is my sadness.

Love is Love.

And i might feel pain because I can't get the man of my dreams, or the life of my dreams.

And pain is also losing your child, or mother.

And why should my pain be lesser or more. Because i feel my pain, and i can try to feel yours but i will never. Because feelings and emotions are personal.

And i dont know about love. i dont want to even try to understand it.

And i guess i dont even need to since im pretty sure im goin to go about life without any of it.

And im not talkin about the love from my family, and im probably not talking about it because i dont know. They love me so much. More than so much sometimes, most times. Than why is it that i feel like i want something more. Am i not being fair them? Do i not think their love is enough.

Why do i feel so unloved.

And so ungifted and untalented.

I mean when i look at mylself i just see the most average person. Below average sometimes.

And what i hate is how noone really knows how i feel. Sometimes i wish i didnt act like i am perfectly fine with the way my life is. Because im absolutely not.

I dont know what i want.

And i dont know whether i want to know what i want?